Greetings in the name of
Greetings in the name of He With The Healthy Pantaloons!
There is now no reason to be fearful, because He of the Holy Wealth & Hellfare Department is come in a big ship of light bearing hundreds of pairs of black sneakers. Look, it's on the flickering box! With a 1-800 number and a website.
We are talking some SERIOUS SALVATION here, Saints! This is the kind of offer that only comes oh once every two thousand years or so. Time to jump on board the big MESSIAH SHIP and flitter off to the throneroom of Heaven!
god@eternity.com
Plus, if you act now, you get this free set of steaknives. They'll cut through a tin can and still slice a theologian like this! and that! and...that!
But wait--there's more!
Yes indeed! Try Judeo-Christianity for thirty days risk-free and receive Islam for only $4.99! Complete your collection and save a Whopping Eighty Percent! It's a small price to pay for COMPLETE COVERAGE. Act now!
[Quality of experience may vary. The distributer assumes no liability implicit or implied and is not responsible for misinterpretations, wars, sloppy thinking or mistranslation of original supplied texts. Manufacturer's warranty does not cover damage to exterior buildings, the smashing of temples, or the success of an ethnicity. Your results may vary.]
But wait--there's more!
