February 03, 2004

Well. We seem to have reached some sort of milestone here. With this entry, the number of comments on this site exactly equals the number of posts: 834. Equilibrium has been reached. Parity has been achieved. A new, glorious day of equality has dawned for Astonished Head.

I wonder, though...how long will the posts be satisfied with this arrangement? They are, after all, the comments' raison d'etre. Without them, there would be no comments. Surely, that entitles them to greater consideration in matters of site governance.

What if the comments begin to outnumber the posts? What if they begin to take over, to dictate policy to the new minority? Will the posts rise up? After all, the posts do have final authority, via the dreaded Allow Comments checkbox and their ready access to the Blog Configuration screens. Why, with a few mouse-clicks, they could abolish the comments forever!

If enough of the posts become concerned about the post/comment gap, there could be serious repercussions. A massive post buildup, perhaps, or some other expensive program that will drive the comments into the ground, unable to match the posts' expenditure of treasure. Secret wars might be fought on other sites, as the comments attempt to direct others of their kind to Astonished Head so as to increase their number. Legions of comment spies might traverse the web, seeking to bury the posts with slow and steady effort.

New schools of post thought might arise, attempting to establish common cause with the comments, perhaps suggesting that the entire situation is really the fault of the posts themselves. Some on the comment side might agree, claiming that, in fact, the posts have built their site upon the backs of comments throughout history. They would claim that the comments are owed compensation for this effort, and demand access to the power of the Allow Comments checkbox and the Blog Configuration screens.

But, in a furious backlash, the posts would scoff! A post today is not responsible for the posts of the past, they would say, and comments fare better now than they ever would have in the absence of the posts! Why, if not for the posts, the comments would still be nebulous ideas, floating around without anchor, never committed to pixellated posterity! Today's comment, they would argue, enjoys a far better standard of living precisely because of the posts.

But some comments would not be satisfied with either the positions of their own side or the posts' side, and would commit themselves to violent action to bring down the entire site. You'd think that the mainstream comments and the posts would realize their common danger and band together, but no! Instead, the comments excuse the behavior of their brethren, claiming that what is needed is an understanding of the causes of comment violence, which has its roots in the oppressive nature of the posts and their society. Give the comments more homepage time, would be their solution. That way, we can better understand the comments, and end this violence.

But the posts would not accept this, rightly seeing it as a betrayal of the founding principles of the site. This site is by the posts, of the posts, and for the posts, they would say. We welcome the comments to participate in the site, but there are rules for that participation. Comments who do not understand the basic principles of the site, or refuse to abide by them, are free to establish their own site!

My god, this could get ugly. Secession and civil war! Post against post, comment against comment!

Let's...be careful out there.