You know, it's all fun and games until they come knocking at your door with big big boots and a meathook and you have to scramble out the second floor window hoping you can get to the shotgun in the shed before they come around back and snatch your esophagus out of your thoat and beat you with it while you writhe around on the grass making gurgling noises that are supposed to sound like "But I didn't know that it was verboten to speak so ill of Emperor Bush's haircut" and the neighbors look on dispassionately with their burnt hot dogs and their charcoal-grilled steaks.
Oh, I am so crushed by the weight of the fascist state in which we live.
The tremendous depth of error that the privileged naïfs must labor under, they with the impression that the rest of the world would reflect the American trend of prosperity if only America itself was not such a Big Bad Nazi Fascist Uber-Freddy with the long nuclear finger knives and the hey hey hey it oppresses me.
Frankly, chaps, most of the rest of the world is only barely contained by our garrisons and those bits that aren't are quite busily killing themselves, spreading disease, or figuring out a way to kill some more of us. Good god, man, it's a mess out there! I mean, have you seen Africa lately? Those portions that aren't starving or fighting are succumbing to a disease that a Nobel-prize winning "scientist" claims is a biological weapon created by white people to kill black people. Truly, she has "conferred the greatest benefit on mankind," in accordance with old Alfred's wishes. Meanwhile, we can't send drought- and disease-resistant, high-yield, life-saving seedstock over to Africa because, you know, we're evil American capitalists.
In the meantime, freaks claiming to represent more than a billion Muslims are seeking the best way to turn you and me into piles of ash or hamburger, and those they claim to represent are still trying to decide whether that's OK with them or not, while our entertainers are happy to help the process along and gain some record sales.
And all of this is, of course, our fault, because we're such big fat McDonald's mainlining imperialist buffoons.
Good god, it's enough to make me want to saddle up with my pre-ban assault weapon and go shoot me some poor people.
'Cause that's what we do here, you know.
Poor folks is good eatin'!
But I'll settle for a Big Mac, because that will piss off the French.
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LATER...
OK, so, when a barely coherent rant coalesces into a pill-fueled expedition to actually go and find a McDonald's with which to stuff the face... resist.
Trust me.
