EXCLUSIVE!!! EXCLUSIVE!!!!
ASTONISHED HEAD CALLS ELECTION FOR 3-QUART CAN OF WWII-ERA LIMPERT BROTHERS MARSHMALLOW FLUFF FOUND IN BASEMENT
"I WAS PART OF TASTY WELL-DESERVED SPECIAL TREATS FED TO THE TROOPS AT BASTOGNE AND IWO JIMA," SAYS FLUFF. "THOSE OTHER BASTARDS DIDN'T FEED ANYBODY."
Promises sundaes for all Americans, happy summer days, death to all terrorists everywhere immediately, with walnut sauce and maybe an expired maraschino cherry if it's feeling merciful.
