Reggie Bastard Eats An Omelette
To continue the implementation of Management's excellent plan for making Astonished Head into the world's premier provider of things, we came up with some staggeringly original never-been-done-before ideas that are really stupendously smashing and great.
Among them: equipping Company Secretary Reginald Bastard with a microphone, a camera, some candied yams, a ferret, and a hand grenade and sending him out to talk to the Viewing Public.
This year's Man On The Street question: how groovy is the President?
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Phillip Small, Disco King
"Not very. Personally, I think that he needs more cocaine. Doesn't everyone?"
Emmet Phelps, Professional Yokel
"Ya'll cain't come 'round here askin' questions like that. 'S agin' God's law t' be groovy. So git along now, afore ya git yerself battered up and fried, and served with some slaw and mebbe a root beer."
Howard "Buffy" McGuinness, Philosopher
"By all accounts, the President excels in grooviness, mainly due to the vast Texas plain from whence he sprang, like a fiery demon of the South'ren groove, what with his ears and his cock-eye'd grin and his prodigious manglement of the English language, lacking only a smooth coat of exterior polyester to make him, indeed, the very paragon of all that is groovy on this earth. Is that a ferret?"
Sarah Flippant, Satellite Dish Repairman
"I think that he ought to be shot, because I'm partial to children, and he eats far too many of them. That's just selfish."
Walt Lever, Taxidermist
"Not nearly groovy enough. I know what hunts him."
Saddam Hussein, Inmate
"Much groovier than I thought he was, apparently."
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And there you have it. Next year, our man Reggie Bastard will hit the streets, which is unfortunate.
