Well well well well well well well well how very nice. My name is Anton, and I'll be your babbler this evening.
I must tell you, since I got my White's metal detector, I've lost thirty pounds and found eight tons of scrap gold and silver.
Actually, that's not what I've got to tell you. What I've got to tell you is nothing short of revelatory. It's the kind of thing that makes a priest drop his pants and beg forgiveness. Anton LaVey (no relation) became a Mormon when he heard this, I have it on good authority. President Bush, it is rumored, is now considering becoming a Buddhist monk after receiving this news. The Pope himself is having a much - delayed bar mitzvah, and Grand Ayatullah Sayyid Ali Al - Hussaini Al - Sistani is giving Billy Graham a call this very evening.
What I've got to tell you is is so revolutionary, so mind - bendingly unique... that it can't just be given away. I must ask for money. Cash! Great heaving sacks of the stuff! Only then will I reveal this... this... god - like knowledge. Drop a line if you're innarested.
Moving on: sometimes, the medications, they fail. And then it's time to ride the Big Wheel on Satan's macadam. Have you ever been poked in the eye with a fire - sharpened stick by a lesser demon of the Eighth Plane? Not exactly a plate of lime Jello, let me tell you. Not quite.
But then, what is, these days? What with Peak Oil coming along and presenting such a threat that we'd better cripple our economy before it gets here, and the bereavement of mothers in the hot sun shaming us all, even the simple pleasure of sitting down to a nice piping - hot plate of lime Jello isn't quite what it used to be.
Now, if you're talking about sitting down to a nice piping - hot plate of parmesan - crusted braised beef short rib with carmelized red onions and fresh potato gnocchi in a rich balsamic reduction that borders on chocolate well, then, we can discuss. But the Jello is right out.
Join me next week, when I'll ask is there a God, and then answer, Yes! And He's in my pantaloons!!!
Ta - ta!
