December 02, 2005

The gentle patter of Mexican feet on my roof can only mean one thing: they're here to rip it off!

No, really. We're having the old roof removed and a new roof put on, because we are so absolutely flush with cash that I'm typing this from a bath filled to the brim with shiny silver dollars. As is typical for most of the smaller construction-related enterprises in these parts, the labor is from South of the Border. They typically make $11 an hour or less, and I know this because a different roofer once offered to set me up with his "squad" to help me pull the shingles off the house. You can pretty much guarantee that such "squads" are not entirely, shall we say, documented.

I figure that means that my dinky roof is costing me about $1500 less than it would otherwise (a number I've pulled from my imagination). If that guesstimate is reasonable, it would follow that the neigbor's roof up the street - with its multiple gables, peaks, and valleys - probably cost $9000 less. Likewise the landscaping, house painting, and tree removal services in the area.

Let's learn some ancient Greek: the men...de clause. It's the equivalent of "one the one hand...on the other hand," only much more economical. Once you see a men, you look for the de, which sometimes comes after a solid blocky pargraph of seemingly endless Greekiness. But it will be there, you can count on it. Let's try it out!

Men, I'd appreciate it if our borders were less porous, and that folks would quit proposing legislation that bestows the benefits of citizenry to those who don't actually have it. That's an ideological stance in the pure sense of the word; it's an idea that meshes nicely with notions of national security, respect for the laws of the country, and that sort of thing.

De, I do enjoy my cheap roof.

When ideas come out of the aether and into the muck with the monkeys, practicalities get smeared all over the upholstery.

Last week, President Bush said

The third aspect of our comprehensive strategy to do our duty and enforce the border is to have a worksite enforcement program. I mean, our employers in America have an obligation not to hire illegal immigrants.

...and then immediately followed it up with

The third aspect of our policy is this: We need to have a rational, temporary worker plan that is not amnesty. Amnesty would be a mistake. Granting amnesty to the people who have come to our country illegally would invite others to come to our country illegally. On the other hand, a temporary worker program would take pressure off our border. When you match willing worker with willing employer on a job Americans won't do, with a tamper-proof card that says, I'm here legally for a temporary basis, it means our border patrol agents won't have to chase people coming here illegally to work, they'll be able to chase criminals and drug traffickers and crooks.

Even ignoring the two "third"s, that's closer kin to a David Copperfield act than a policy statement. Basically, Bush's plan is to make sure that people like my roofer don't hire illegal workers by giving the illegal workers a nifty card that transforms them into legal workers.

When it comes down to it, I don't quite have the courage of my convictions on this issue, although I'm sure I would feel differently if I was an out-of-work roofer, and I'd probably feel a lot differently if I lived in the Southwest instead of the Northeast.

I respect that the President is confronted with a thorny problem: how do we maintain secure borders without compromising the economic support offered by cheaper, undocumented labor?

I also understand why his critics remain unimpressed.

At a gut level...I just plain don't like the idea of a poorly-secured border, in much the same way that my cats don't like the thuds, squeaks and bashes going on over their furry heads: there's a threat there, distant and booming for now, that could burst into immanence with the speed of an airliner streaking out of a clear autumn sky.

But I must be honest: remember all that "half-assed, wage- war- in- comfort- with- a- Frappuccino™- in- one- hand- and- the- TV- remote- in- the- other nonsense" I bitched about last year?

I'm a part of that. Lock those borders down, but by God my roof better not cost me a dime more! Keep me safe, but don't inconvenience me.

I suck.

So what happens to a society when it can wage war in comfort? When its mettle is tested primarily in the abstract realm of ideas, rather than the practicalities of daily life?

I'm not quite sure...but I'll bet we'll find out, sooner rather than later.