Reggie Bastard On The Street
To continue the ongoing implementation of Management's fantabulous plan for transforming Astonished Head into the world's foremost purveyor of high-class not-at-all-for-cheap-tarts entertainment, we came up with even more head-bashingly unique concepts which are so incredibly wonderful that we should kill you right now to save you from the crushing disapointment that the rest of your life will inevitably become after you've been exposed to them.
Such as: equipping Company Secretary Reginald Bastard with a microphone, a camera, a handful of crêpe batter, a shoestring, and a packet of ketchup, and sending him out to talk to the Viewing Public.
This month's Man On The Street question: What's the true meaning of Christmas?
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Alistaire Fructose, Bricklayer
"To have as many elves as possible. In my pants."
Harry "Tiger" Watkins, Rodeo Clown
"To further the materialistic pressures of a social structure deliberately designed to keep the masses in thrall to shiny things."
Lester Bodkin, Crab Fisherman
"Last I heard, it was to keep those goddamn wetbacks on the South side of the border, where they belong. But I could be wrong, or drunk."
Lousie Pebble, Exotic Dancer
"Peace and good will towards the men with the biggest huevos. "
William Juniper, Musician
"Something about cookies. And, uh, crack. Yessir, it's not Christmas without a fat rock in the pipe!"
Reuben Tishkoff, Impresario
"You gonna steal from Santa Claus, you better goddamn know. This sorta thing used to be civilized. You'd hit a guy, he'd whack you, done! But Claus...at the end of this he better not know you're involved, not know your names, or think you're dead. Because he'll kill you, and then he'll go to work on you."
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And there you have it. Hairy Follidays, every bloody!
